stuffs on stuff

I've decided to move back home, temporarily. The moving process has been amazing, it has been cleansing. I have been decluttering the house, selling off furniture, clothes and other stuff I've accumulated. It's a rebirth within a rebirthing moment in time for me. I hope to return home with a stronger sense of direction, a stronger passion and drive to manifest the life I want. I have been working on my art and working on myself. I ask myself what I desire, and I am beginning to see that I can and deserve it. Sometimes it's coming to me, straight to me. I am beginning this journey everyday with a better head on my shoulders and a stronger heart in my body. I need to remind myself that I am what I desire and that I am becoming it everyday. I can bring about the life I want if I believe in myself. If I follow my heart. My heart has been silenced for so long, I think it is hard to hear it over the chatter in my mind. But as I allow myself to flow and to move with the curren...

Encroaching upon my one year anniversary of renewal of life I begin to declutter the remnants of the past. A job I've been putting off for, well almost a year now, I doused myself with some Kendrick Lamar to begin my purging mood. This has been something I've put off for quite a while since it is painful to return to memories of a life I've left behind me, or more so a chapter of my life. I cannot say it's been a process that's been easy, since getting to the point of reimagining my life in a positive way has taken me a long time. It's still a process. Everyday is a lesson for me. Somedays better than others. This post has taken me a couple of days to write specifically because of those hard days that keep me in bed, comparing myself to the life I wish I had, the person I wish I was. It's a process of accepting myself. To begin with, now out of full-time employment, and instead working towards establishing my art and independent source(s) of income, I ha...

It's been almost exactly one year since I was fired from my comfortable yet high stress and mediocre paying job. It was the first job I had that made me feel like an adult, or what I imagined adult life was all about. Getting a career, having a salary, medical and retirement benefits, and the esteem that comes with feeling like you fit into the world. But things are never what they seem. And really that fitting into the stereotypical mold of adult life is not for me. I cannot conform for the sake of conformity. Nor can I blindly accept things as they are simple because that's how it's been done. In fact, quite contrary to it all I don't fit in. I am still a child inside that wants to play, create, and love with all my heart. Why must I supress that? Obviously growing up I've accumulated more responsibilities and that's okay. Responsibilities help me to get into character to perform as an "adult" or better yet a well adjusted member of society. However...

November 11th 2016. It was a Friday. Donald Trump just got elected as the 45th president of the United States. My boyfriend and I had just broken up. A close friend of mine had just been hospitalized in the ICU after someone unloaded a gun on him attempting to end his life. It was not the best week of my life, and it was just about to get better. I was called into the principal's office for a "routine" coaching meeting. This meeting seemed unroutine since we never held these meetings in the presence of the principal, let alone in his office. Within minutes of sitting down across from my principal and adjacent to my coach, I knew something terrible was in the air. Their looks were very serious and in front of me on a table laid a document. They asked me how my day was and before I could answer I was told to review the document. Upon reading through it my blood began to race, my hands began to shake, and sweat poured over me. On the document were a list of three goals tha...

sunday. i was laying in bed, i'm obsessing about how much celebrities make. it's insane. yet my interest in them is propelling them. they're interesting in a ridiculous way. anyhow, today i tried stick n poke. i've been wanting to for a while. i'd purchased some india ink. so i reviewed the basics and took the plunge. well, i really plunged in with my pen and drew a circle. i poked around for about 25 minutes. the circle came out looking like a capital d. anyway i left it and picked up the pen again. this time i wrote walk in all capitals along my foot. take a look. it's kind of blurred. and well it was taking quite a while. it doesn't hurt after a while. well actually it hurts each first prick and then after that everything is bearable.  at any rate. i'm excited to try more. i ended up purchasing those thing you've always wanted to buy on amazon. but you always back down. well i finally clicked checkout and not that speedy check...